The two inch tall man

So Sundays have taken on a new routine since i've joined the new gym & spa. Every Sunday evening i get down the spa for an hour or so to use the hydropool, help my legs recover from football and the working week. Now tonight, i was in there on my own for a change and in walks a woman who i'd been on a few dates with her mother & sister, great. Now i'm a friendly person, i will always smile, say hello, make small talk, you know the usual things you do, especially when a situation could get awkward for someone, turns out she didn't want to do the same thing. I was stood in the hydropool, doing my own thing and she she's me and completely ignores more, yeah, thanks for that. So for the next 30 mins of doing my own thing i feel about two inches tall & my relaxing spa has turned into me leaving the place feeling really stupid, angry and upset.

So the story goes with said woman that she was moving to Australia with her family & had 6 weeks left, now we'd been talking for a while and i said "Lets just give it a go. I mean it's better to have 6 weeks of something than 6 weeks of nothing" So we go on a date, have a great time & have our second date the following night. The second date goes well, then we chat & it turns out she's staying, now this is good news i think as she'd been saying stuff like "Why do i meet someone as good as you just as i move to the other side of the world" so i think i'm allowed to assume things are looking up, she then goes quiet as her family are having problems since they cancelled the move, i tell her "It's understandable & if i can help, let me know". A week goes by, still quiet so i text, see how everything is "Yeah, not too bad thanks, just sorting some stuff out", the following day i get a text message saying "Guess who's POF account i've just found?" Now this is where it gets interesting, said girl had already stated on the first date she didn't have an online dating account, so basically since she found out she was staying i'm suddenly not good enough for her. I'm pretty sure people can understand why i'm pissed off, i feel pathetic, like i'm not good enough to be someones boyfriend. All she had to do was let me know, say she's not interested but to say you're interested & then create an online dating account is complete and utter bollocks.

All i'm saying is why can't people for once take into consideration the consequences of their actions, think about how they would like it if they were on the receiving end of this treatment.

Anyway until 7pm this evening i was good, had a great weekend and already looking forward to next weekend in Southampton

Oh i've no ideas (other than twitter or facebook, which i don't want to do) how to promote my blog, so any ideas would be great, thank you x

Time for a change

So today over the last few days i've made a massive decison, it may seem trivial to most but it's something i've loved being. I stepped down as captain of my football team.
Now i LOVE my football, well that is i did love my football but ever since my hernia last yeat i've really struggled to fall back in love with it. All i every wanted was to play centre midfield, captain my team & win a league, i can safely say i've done all three & plus two cups in with that too. I just feel like i've iost the passion though. I was the player who'd be there first, leave last, give everything i had, chase lost causes, get the team going & now i just don't have that drive anymore in me. A captain is someone who not only leads his team by example but also puts the teams needs before his & i can safely say i've always done this with Henley YMCA, even with my final act in stepping down it's only because i can see the team has players in it that would lead it better than i can at the moment, which is heart breaking for me but something i have to accept.
I just need to call back in love with the game, find my hunger.

Basically it's got me thinking about everything i've put off because of football & has my passion for the game been the reason i've been single for so long. I've always turned my nose up at long distance relationships because i've always known i need to be back in Reading/Henely for 9:30am on a Sunday morning. The same applies to weekends away with someone, or when things were going really well with the team i wouldn't even go out on a Saturday night. Then again can i really blame it all on the football. While it has been a major part of my life, it can't be footballs fault that i'm such a massive head fuck, to put it blunt. I mean i get to know someone, get close, then run a mile because i manage to find the teanie, tiniest problem. I feel like i'm constantly writing to an agony aunt on here at the moment but it's what's on my mind i guess. I have no idea why i'm so confused, insecure, lonely at the moment, i guess it's just a realisation that if i don't change i'll be alone forever. x

Posing'ell

I joined a new gym this week, Pulse 8 fitness in Sindlesham. After going to Rivermead for two and a half years i felt it was time for a change, i needed better equipment & a place that had a swimming pool. I now pay £3 more a month than i was paying before to gym at Rivermead & swim at Loddon Valley. Now this new place is incredible, all the facilities you could possibly want/need & with Nirvanva spa built on the same site i now get to spa, which i can confirm is amazing. I just need spa friends so if anyone goes there let me know. So while this gym is incredible it seems to me that the better the facilites you have, the bigger the posers. I go to the gym to work out, get stronger, feel better about myself, get fitter & yes obviously to look good but my god to some of the clientel in there take the last bit to new levels. Today for instance, i've seen two guys wearing snapback flat peak hats, in the gym for god sake! #posing'ell

Right, poser watch is over for tonight. Now i realise probably no one reads this but i need some help. I need some new interesting & fun things to do this winter. Nights out in Reading just do not appeal to me anymore and while i don't mind the odd night in i'm far too restless to stay in every weekend. So any ideas?

Peace out x

Waffling

I'm back then...

Well where to start. The last two blogs had a real "feel sorry for yourself much pal" feel to them so i guess i should be happier in this  as i'm quite a happy, easy going guy.


Right now i am LOVING the fact i'm a home owner still, feels so good to know i've worked so hard and it's paying off, however my house definitely needs a womans touch for the decorating. I mean i am very house proud, house is always tidy, just when it comes to decorating i might need an helping hand, haha!

I've played Sunday league football for the last 10 years maybe & it just seems that i've finally fallen out of love with playing. I think a mix of the team changing personel last season when i was out with a hernia, me loving the gym & wanting to enjoy my time off has made me seriously consider giving it up. One things for sure i'll be handing the captaincy to someone who enjoys it, loves playing and hes a never say die attitude, like i used to have i guess.
I'm still looking to find a special someone in my life, but i'm not going to be down about it just now. I've been on a few dates with people i've met online (i know, ridiculous that it's come to this) & they all seem nice enough but i want to meet someone and think to myself, i don't want to go another day without this person in my life right now. I got some advice last night from a friend of mine, just telling them to be myself and be true to myself. Just the standard advice you'd get from everyone but once in a while you actually stop and think about it & last night/today i did exactly that. Who am i? Am i true to myself? Why don't i let anyone know just how insecure i can be at times? Well simply because i'm scared they wouldn't want to know me if i wasn't as confident as i seem. I guess thats the same with everyone, i hope anyway?
Just watching x factor right now, laughing at Rylan getting through. Let's face it, the blokes an idiot and he's not a great singer but he makes me laugh so much. I think Gary Barlow is being out of order a bit by storming off, he's the bloke who put through Frankie Cocozza last year, a fella who couldn't sing.
I have one follower on here, Hannah Hindmarsh & she's probably as famous on these blogs. So much so that she had to get her own website www.hannahsbow.co.uk . Hindy is helping me out on these blogs when i get stuck so massive thanks!
I'm sure i'll be back to waffle something that might one day be of interest to you haha

Ding ding, round Two

So, where to go from here...

Hi again, I'm back for a waffle. Well let me start this blog by saying again, I'm not the usual feel sorry for yourself kinda guy, i was just looking to vent and vent i did. It definitely helped and one of the main people i wanted to read it HH did and that mattered so much for me.

So i don't want to drivel on about relationships & being lonely all the time but annoyingly that's what is on my mind a lot right now. I find my problem is i can't seem to find a happy medium. With girls i either have sex or have the closeness of a relationship, not both. Do i need help? Do i just need to explain my insecurities before with the girl? Would that seem like I'm moving too fast if i did though? Argh! I hate feeling like this because i feel somewhat weak by not knowing how to be.

Another thing i hate is i was always too nice in relationships, literally spoilt the girls i was with stupid amounts & even i know now it was OTT. That being said i wish i could be a bit soppy at times and not feel a massive idiot for it. I can be sweet with the girl, nice, everything she wants then suddenly we get together and BAM this stupid massive guard goes up where i don't want to let her get any closer to me. I think its a mixture of being betrayed before & worrying she'll get fed up of me really quick and realise I'm actually a terrible boyfriend. I've always had a fear of someone else being in control of my emotions, the only time i did she smashed my heart into a million pieces and didn't even seem to care.

Reading above i seem pretty messed up but I'm sure i feel how a lot of other people feel. I'm pretty normal 28 year old. I like my football, music, hanging out with friends, working on my house, the gym etc. So does anyone else feel like me or am i actually messed up? Maybe all this blogging is actually making me over complicate things, who knows.

One thing i miss the most is having a girl, who's a mate. Only once have i had a girl mate that hasn't actually wanted any more from it that friendship & it was nice to hear something from a woman's POV, give me tips where i was going wrong & just have a different kind of friendship. That being said though, i would not change my current friends for anyone, anywhere. That even includes Beckham & that man is a king!

Right enough of the drivel.

Speak Soon,

Simon

The Start

Hi there this is all a bit new to me so bare with.

Right so i guess start at the beginning, or perhaps the end. Currently i’m 28 years old, living in Reading & i’ve just brought my first house. Sounds very normal and exciting so far.

Living on your own makes you realise just how lonely life can be. I have plenty of friends & family. I’m not one to feel sorry for myself but at the same time i just need to vent somewhere.

Right to the beginning then. I lived in Norfolk as a child. A nice normal up bringing, had great parents, a great sister & what i thought were great friends. I was bullied a bit but who wasn’t. When i was 10 i moved to Reading and that’s where my life changed. At school i was pretty normal, loved playing football, hated homework & hated even more than the girls would call me ugly. With this i left school when i was old enough and went to college where i found Women taking a shine to me, this is where the problems began. I looked up to a best friend, i mean idolised him, a couple of years later this “friend” would convince me i was a terrible boyfriend to the girl i lost my virginity to only to find out he was actually sleeping with her.

Now with above in mind i set about treating sex like a stupid game, not caring for peoples feelings & determined to prove myself better than Ryan. Turns out i was already better than him, i just didn’t know it. My life was a constant party from 18-23.

Now 5 years on i can see every mistake i made with women, how stupid i was to let the one get away who i never should’ve, how naive i was to let the one who i knew would break my heart have it & do just that & how much being alone at 28 is completely my fault.

Every relationship i come across i crap myself because i am so afraid to be that awful boyfriend again. I have no idea how to act in a relationship so i run from them. Yet i am truly scared of being alone.

If anyone ever reads this i’m sure they’ll be bored by this point but some times in life you just need somewhere to vent & right now, this is the only place i have to do this.

Simon

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