So today over the last few days i've made a massive decison, it may seem trivial to most but it's something i've loved being. I stepped down as captain of my football team.
Now i LOVE my football, well that is i did love my football but ever since my hernia last yeat i've really struggled to fall back in love with it. All i every wanted was to play centre midfield, captain my team & win a league, i can safely say i've done all three & plus two cups in with that too. I just feel like i've iost the passion though. I was the player who'd be there first, leave last, give everything i had, chase lost causes, get the team going & now i just don't have that drive anymore in me. A captain is someone who not only leads his team by example but also puts the teams needs before his & i can safely say i've always done this with Henley YMCA, even with my final act in stepping down it's only because i can see the team has players in it that would lead it better than i can at the moment, which is heart breaking for me but something i have to accept.
I just need to call back in love with the game, find my hunger.
Basically it's got me thinking about everything i've put off because of football & has my passion for the game been the reason i've been single for so long. I've always turned my nose up at long distance relationships because i've always known i need to be back in Reading/Henely for 9:30am on a Sunday morning. The same applies to weekends away with someone, or when things were going really well with the team i wouldn't even go out on a Saturday night. Then again can i really blame it all on the football. While it has been a major part of my life, it can't be footballs fault that i'm such a massive head fuck, to put it blunt. I mean i get to know someone, get close, then run a mile because i manage to find the teanie, tiniest problem. I feel like i'm constantly writing to an agony aunt on here at the moment but it's what's on my mind i guess. I have no idea why i'm so confused, insecure, lonely at the moment, i guess it's just a realisation that if i don't change i'll be alone forever. x
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