Hi there this is all a bit new to me so bare with.
Right so i guess start at the beginning, or perhaps the end.
Currently i’m 28 years old, living in Reading & i’ve just brought my
first house. Sounds very normal and exciting so far.
Living on your own makes you realise just how lonely life can be. I
have plenty of friends & family. I’m not one to feel sorry for
myself but at the same time i just need to vent somewhere.
Right to the beginning then. I lived in Norfolk as a child. A nice
normal up bringing, had great parents, a great sister & what i
thought were great friends. I was bullied a bit but who wasn’t. When i
was 10 i moved to Reading and that’s where my life changed. At school i
was pretty normal, loved playing football, hated homework & hated
even more than the girls would call me ugly. With this i left school
when i was old enough and went to college where i found Women taking a
shine to me, this is where the problems began. I looked up to a best
friend, i mean idolised him, a couple of years later this “friend” would
convince me i was a terrible boyfriend to the girl i lost my virginity
to only to find out he was actually sleeping with her.
Now with above in mind i set about treating sex like a stupid game,
not caring for peoples feelings & determined to prove myself better
than Ryan. Turns out i was already better than him, i just didn’t know
it. My life was a constant party from 18-23.
Now 5 years on i can see every mistake i made with women, how stupid i
was to let the one get away who i never should’ve, how naive i was to
let the one who i knew would break my heart have it & do just that
& how much being alone at 28 is completely my fault.
Every relationship i come across i crap myself because i am so afraid
to be that awful boyfriend again. I have no idea how to act in a
relationship so i run from them. Yet i am truly scared of being alone.
If anyone ever reads this i’m sure they’ll be bored by this point but
some times in life you just need somewhere to vent & right now,
this is the only place i have to do this.
Simon
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